I'm just finishing up my second week at home after surgery. This week has been ultra boring. Mostly because last weekend my incision started opening up. Ugh. So I'm trying to make extra sure I'm not doing anything to make it worse. I guess this is just something that can happen, it seems like there was just extra fluid that needed to come out and it found a way. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it looks so gross. On Saturday we ended up, at the urging of my mom and step dad, at the ER. They said basically the same thing my doctor did, nothing much you can do about it other than keep a wet/dry bandage on it. I went and saw my doctor last week on Tuesday and yeah, nothing to do. But in the meantime I have had a home health care nurse come out everyday to keep an eye on it and change the bandage. That has been really nice and she will be coming out next week several times as well to check it out. I'm just really hoping that it doesn't get infected because that would lead to a another hospital stay for some IV antibiotics. Ugh.
So with going to the ER last week that puts me this year at:
2 Urgent Care Visits
2 ER visits
2 Types of Cancer
and 2 Hospital stays.
I guess 2 is my lucky number. I am so over all of this. And tired of being so bored. At least starting next week I'll be able to drive again, that will help. Not that I can go out and do much at this point, but at least I wont feel so trapped. And really this week wasn't too bad, almost everyday my best friend Brandon was able to come by at some point and hang out with me.
Another hard thing that we have been dealing with is that on the night of my surgery one of our best friends Melanie killed herself. She has been a dear dear friend for a long time now and even lived with us three different times. No one had any clue she was feeling this way and the whole thing has been a terrible shock. And I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm so beyond sad while also angry and confused and just plain hurt. She was one of S's very best friends and so of course S is having a very hard time with it as well. And poor S was one of the first people Melanie's family called to let know and so she was dealing with that on top of my surgery and the very hard time I was having in the hospital. She was also having to keep it a secret from me because she knew I couldn't handle it on top of everything else. Melanie was an amazing person. She was so kind and generous and loving. She was a truly unique soul who touched our lives in ways we are still discovering. We would have done anything for her, given her anything, done everything we could have if she had only reached out for help. But she didn't want help and that's the hardest part, this is what she chose. I don't think I'll ever understand. And I know that this is going to hurt for a very very long time.